


Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar

by SenselessVerses



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Advent Calendar, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-11-27 04:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18189908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenselessVerses/pseuds/SenselessVerses
Summary: Collection of gifts made for the Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar





	1. The Thief's Misteltoe

**Author's Note:**

> Missing Year. Written for OQ Advent Calendar 2016. Robin tries 12 times kissing Regina under the mistletoe. Senseless verse form.

It occurred on that pesky year  
before their memories were blear,  
from the first time it was clear  
that the Queen was someone dear.

Robin met her right at noon  
and her eyes just made him swoon.  
Of his charms she was immune,  
from that moment he was doomed.

Ever since he saw her face  
Robin couldn’t help but chase,  
he was enamored by her grace  
and by her corset made of lace!

So he sought to kiss her lips  
and evaded all her sneers,  
for Regina’s tool was fear  
which was good to hide her tears.

Such as this the months passed  
Christmas days came by so fast,  
they all avoided Zelena’s cast  
peaceful times were here at last.

It was then when Robin knew  
in his mind a plan he brewed,  
he’ll demonstrate his love is true  
it has to happen before Yule.

He’ll use a mistletoe as tool  
for the Queen he’s such a fool,  
he needs to kiss her very soon  
before his testicles turn blue.

It’s twelve days till Christmas eve  
a hard task he will achieve,  
many kisses he’ll receive  
in his mind he’s so naive.

_Twelve days till Christmas, somewhere in the castle under a mistletoe…_

The first day was a disaster  
maybe he’s not quite the master,  
Robin just received her laughter  
the Queen couldn’t have run faster!

Second try wasn’t productive  
even though he was seductive,  
Regina acted quite destructive  
and cast the outlaw a laxative.

He didn’t gave up, he was a thief  
he placed the mistletoe somewhere near,  
but on day three for her son she grieved  
he gave her space, he wasn’t mean.

On day four he planned to score  
inside the library she was before,  
but of waiting he got bored  
he fell asleep and woke up sore.

The fifth day Snow realized  
that Robin’s plan was civilized.  
“Perfect couple!” she idealized,  
but the Queen left both immobilized.

In his sixth try he made a pass  
he placed the plant nearby the lass,  
the mistletoe transfigured with a blast  
and many bugs crawled up his ass.

On day seven Robin was worried  
the Queen after dinner left in a hurry,  
he later found her in all her glory  
reading Roland a bedtime story.

On day eight she was under her tree  
he asked to approach and she agreed.  
They sat in silence and touched knees,  
Regina looked stunning and quite pleased.

Robin woke up in a good mood  
the day before, their connection grew,  
but on day nine she saw his tattoo  
and Regina Mills like a bird flew.

He didn’t see her the next day  
so day ten was sad and gray,  
he wants her happy come what may  
Robin ached while she was away.

On day eleven Regina appeared  
he was excited and felt little weird,  
he approached her to make things clear:  
“Regina I love you, there’s nothing to fear.”

_Day 12 - Christmas Eve_

Preparations are finished in the Great Hall,  
everything’s ready for the Yule Ball.  
Everyone’s there, the tall and the small,  
a huge Christmas tree is by the big wall.

Robin is anxious waiting for the Queen  
after his confession, she seemed serene,  
she didn’t answer after he came clean,  
Robin is hopeful and feels like a teen.

Not a surprise, the Queen arrives late  
and with her looks she captivates,  
patiently Robin by the tree waits,  
under the mistletoe that’ll change his fate.

Towards Robin, the Queen advances  
she puckers her lips, what are the chances!?  
but there’s a change in the circumstances,  
she kisses Roland and with him she dances.

Robin stands there in disbelief,  
he is a traitor, that little thief!  
Roland’s an expert, dances like a chief,  
Regina is smiling, is such a relief!

He falls in love with Regina’s smile  
it is elusive but also worthwhile.  
Robin stares at her for a while,  
she looks satisfied and so juvenile.

Robin gives up and admits defeat,  
the gift of her smile is all he needs.  
The Queen winks at him, it is so sweet,  
Regina will always sweep him off his feet.

Back in Storybrooke their love is renewed,  
inside her vault they lie in the nude.  
Regina confesses between the two:  
“Last missing year, I loved you too.”

And here, my folks, the story ends,  
don’t forget to share it with friends!  
From my side I wish you well,  
and a Merry Christmas day!


	2. Robin Claus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storybrooke. Written for Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar 2017. Robin dresses as Santa and Regina seems to like it. Senseless verse form.

Robin Hood is a man on a mission,  
everything’s ready to respect the tradition.  
That time of the year is almost here,  
he can’t wait for Christmas Eve.

The letters to Santa were placed near the tree,  
both Henry and Roland wrote their lists with glee.  
Regina with magic found out what they asked,  
and Robin was eager to complete the task.

His costume is hidden from prying eyes,  
he has the beard, the belt and the hat.  
all of the gifts now safe in the shed,  
Regina can’t wait to see him in red!

Robin’s first Christmas was kind of confusing,  
he thought that the fat man was very amusing,  
but Roland believed Santa was true,  
Henry also likes him, so that makes two!

That’s when he decided to be Mr. Claus,  
It would be fun and for a good cause.  
He told Regina and at first she thought,  
“Mmm… Robin in red, I like it a lot!”

Regina with patience explained him the lore,  
was not hard to learn, he knew the chores.  
“Place all the gifts under the tree,  
If the kids are near, you have to flee.”

Robin was eager and paying attention,  
but he has to have a little prevention,  
Regina just told him the kids can lay traps,  
they'll want to catch Santa and make him collapse.

Regina continued giving him instructions,  
he has to follow them in order to function.  
“Eating all the cookies is a bad idea,  
you can get a severe case of diarrhea.”

Regina finished explaining the thief,  
Robin is a lot like Santa, what a relief!  
“Don’t worry dear, we have similarities,  
breaking in homes is my specialty.”

But there’s an important lesson to learn,  
Regina would be mad if he forgets.  
“Santa should kiss mommy on Yule’s Eve.”  
“That I can promise,” he replied with a smirk.

Regina blushed and felt very naughty  
she imagined herself on Robin Claus body,  
but she had to save that thought for later,  
and use it at Christmas in her favor.

So the days passed making preparations,  
that doesn’t mean there weren’t complications.  
Regina was visited a lot by the dwarves,  
she stopped all their carols with a fireball!

Then it was turn to get rid of some witches,  
they won’t ruin X-mas, she locked all the bitches.  
The Hood-Mills family will enjoy in peace,  
now that the danger has decreased.

On Christmas Eve they have a good dinner,  
and Robin’s stomach grow so much bigger.  
“I won’t need the fake belly” was his thought,  
“This kind of swelling is very ad hoc.”

After some games, the kids go to bed,  
Robin is patient till they sleep like the dead.  
At last he finally puts the red suit on,  
even wearing that he can’t hide he’s hot.

Regina catches him placing the presents,  
looking at him wakes up all her senses.  
Regina pulls Robin under the mistletoe,  
she can’t resist kissing her beau.

Both are oblivious they are being watched,  
Henry and Roland stand with fallen jaws.  
“What’s Regina doing on Santa’s lap?”  
Henry feels awkward and covers his eyes.

Robin could stay like this forever,  
this is his best Christmas ever!  
But they’re interrupted by the kids,  
Regina alarmed falls over his ribs!

They all stay together by the fireplace,  
Henry and Roland all over the place.  
Regina and Robin have a great time,  
the Hood-Mills family together at last!

And this is where I have to pause,  
because the OQ fandom deserves an applause.  
Thank you for reading, even with the flaws,  
these were the adventures of Robin Claus!


	3. The Christmas Thieves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storybrooke. Written for Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar 2018. The Hood-Mills family saves Christmas. Senseless verse form.

Christmas in Storybrooke has always been nice,  
however this year, things somehow turned sad.  
The kids from the orphanage won’t get any gifts,  
because the last fairy tale villain turned them to bits.

Robin found out and had to do something!  
An idea in his mind started forming,  
but he had to consult Regina first,  
he told her his plans before she fretted.

Robin explained, and she was on board!  
“It’s a great idea!” with pride she soared.  
The gifts from the orphanage could be restored,  
she was so happy that that night he scored!

They told Henry and Roland about their scheme,  
the boys were so happy, they were quite the team.  
From the rich all the gifts they’ll retrieve,  
give them to the children because they’re good thieves.

Henry gave a code to this operation,  
he named it “Raccoon” without hesitation.  
Those little critters have a reputation,  
they steal all the goods with determination.

They patiently waited till Christmas eve,  
the operation began when all were asleep.  
Black masks on their faces, it was time to leave,  
the Hood-Mills family was ready to thieve!

They magically entered through the fireplaces,  
Henry and Roland showed glee on their faces.  
No sound was heard due Regina’s spell,  
with a flick of her hand, the gifts were replaced.

Stealing Gold’s house was quite an adventure,  
Regina admitted that it gave her pleasure.  
They stole all of her mentor’s gifts,  
the cane, the ties and all the cufflinks!

Next heist on the list was the dwarves’ house,  
That one was easy, they all snored like a champ.  
Their gifts were all heavy, weighted a few pounds,  
Robin tried to carry them and got a leg cramp.

The next visit was to the docks,  
they planned to steal all of Hook’s socks,  
Regina left a raw fish inside of his boot,  
“That should teach him to not be a brute!”

Henry and Roland put Mal on the list,  
to see a dragon was all what they wished.  
“It’s not a good idea.” Robin insisted,  
and that’s how Maleficent kept all of her gifts.

Regina had someone else in mind,  
to steal Snow White’s loft even if she’s kind.  
“This is my gift, don’t take it from me.”  
They saw her determined and didn’t disagree.

House by house, they followed a trail,  
almost bumped into Santa and turned all pale.  
“So that man is real!?” Robin exclaimed.  
“We’re fairy tale characters, what’d you expect?”

Maybe dear folks here you may ask,  
“Why they didn’t rob the green bitch house?”  
In this Christmas tale the wicked don’t exist,  
the only green being here is The Grinch!

(and he helped them steal all the gifts.)

Let’s go back to the Hood-Mills family,  
to Robin, Roland, Henry and her Majesty.  
They happily gathered all of the loot,  
it appeared at the orphanage, that’s very astute.

The next morning when the sun rose,  
The gifts were all gone, and everyone froze.  
There were rocks under the dwarves’ tree,  
and a cold, dead fish on Killian’s feet!

At the orphanage, everyone cheered,  
lots of gifts at their place appeared.  
Although they were kind of eccentric,  
they’ve never received things so authentic!

Kids were wearing cufflinks and ties,  
others were playing with fancy pickaxes.  
Some weird gifts included gold hooks,  
and a bird painting with a tacky look.

The Hood- Mills family arrived at the place,  
last night they wiped out all the trace.  
All their crimes they’ll never confess,  
Operation Raccoon was a success!

Henry and Roland were having fun,  
they received no gifts, not even one.  
They didn’t care, they made new friends,  
the kind of friendship that will never end.

Regina and Robin watched from afar,  
Robin stood close with his hands behind.  
A gift for Regina he concealed,  
in a few moments it will be revealed.

“My lady, I have a gift for you,  
I want to remind you that my love is true.”  
Dangling from his fingers was a mistletoe,  
and with skill he placed it above his beau.

Regina smirked and bit her lip,  
she flirted and answered with an “Okay, thief.”  
This perfect moment was sealed with a kiss,  
but they waited till midnight before they could strip.

This is a Christmas they’ll never forget,  
neither will I, I got to confess.  
With the Advent Calendar we are all blessed,  
the OQ fandom is always the best!


End file.
